Ready! Set! Begin Summer!

                                               By Gary Bryant



            We talk a lot about buying and selling, using  personal
     advertising effectively and frankly, anything  else that might help
     you save money.  Not this time.  No,  I'm not going to prattle your
     brain about buying  anything today.  Unless, of course, you don't
     own a  barbecue.  Barbecues come in two basic varieties.  One is
     hot and loaded down with burgers, hot dogs, steaks or  shrimp while
     the other is quietly resting on the
     rafters above your garage door.  

          If you own one of the former, and it is sizzling away in the
     backyard, then you can skip this column today.  Otherwise pay 
     close attention, what you learn here today may save  your summer
     life!  So read slowly and follow these  instructions carefully.   

          First, go about your daily routine as if nothing  were
     about to happen.  Then, when your stomach begins to  rumble, and a
     ray of sunlight creates a strong urge to  consume fluids, it is
     time to go into action.  Get into the garage somehow and reclaim
     the  barbecue.  Don't be afraid, summer hasn't really started  yet
     so the lawn mower may still be unconscious.  Set up  the barbecue
     in the yard, while keeping a wary eye
     peeled for infesting neighbors.    

          Now walk to the sidewalk.  Bend down, and with your left
     hand, reach under the hedge and get yesterday's  newspaper.  You
     will use this for kindling.  Crumple and  place in barbie.  

          Go immediately to the basement and confiscate the  charcoal
     briquettes, last seen being used as pool balls  by your
     nine-year-old son on your new billiard table.

          Proceed to kitchen where you should take possession of
     poultry, fish, beef or any animal willing to be  immersed in 600
     degree heat.  Return to barbecue.  Light match.  Start summer.